Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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