Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
