I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize