Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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