Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
