I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
