wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
