I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
