i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
