in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
