I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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