Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
