I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Randomize
