can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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