the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
