my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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