It's Friday. Sex?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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