I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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