the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
