Dual....:-)
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
sex in a hospital.. check
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
