my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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