i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
