Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
