I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
