I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
