ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
