Please, let me fuck your mom
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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