I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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