he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.â€
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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