I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
