my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
