you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize