My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
