Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
