im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
