I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
