Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
