yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
