I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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