when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
