Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
