Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize