good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
