And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Found the puke drawer
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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