he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
