I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
