does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
