i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
