If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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