Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
