last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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