everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
