Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
