I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
