quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
