They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
