Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
