My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
