At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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