You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
