nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
