All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
