You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
