By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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