I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
