I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
