The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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