First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
