I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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