I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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