As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
