I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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