i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
