I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
