Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
