The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
