my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
