So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize