i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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