Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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