think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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