I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My pussy is not your playground.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
