It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
